Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
