I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
