Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
