Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
