Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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