Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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