I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
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Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
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Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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