My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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