Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
