that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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