I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
