yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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