I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
