Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
