im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
