i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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