saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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