Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
