Well apparently he's into motor boating.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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