I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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