Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
