have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
