Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
