he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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