I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
