i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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