I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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