I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
