Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
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We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
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There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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