Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
