lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
