I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
