its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
