I don't think brook has ever known best
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize
