When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
