Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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