I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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