I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
