Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
one two three fourrrrnication!
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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