He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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