I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
