just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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