Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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