i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
