I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
My vagina is officially offended.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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