The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
