Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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