Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
