I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
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I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
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I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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