i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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