I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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