Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
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While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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