he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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