I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
