I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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