I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
