I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
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It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
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She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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