I could make wine with my vomit
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
