is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
it glows. i had to have it.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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