apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
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