Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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