he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
