someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
