Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
