do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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