i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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