About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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