i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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