i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
